PigIronMalt

Glancing through the traffic logs here at PigIronMalt, I noticed someone had reached this site from Google after searching on the phrase “what to do when horny.” You might find that funny, but I see it as a cry for help, and being of a helpful nature, I’m ready to oblige.

So in answer to the query of what you should do when you’re feeling a little horny, you could of course “take matters into your own hands” as they say. Masturbation is the technical term for it, though if you ask your friends about it you’ll probably hear it refered to as “choking the chicken” or “spanking the monkey” or “wanking off” if you happen to hang out with Anglophiles.

If self-pleasure isn’t the route for you, you could always give the tried and true cold shower a go. A good cold shower can cool the fires of lust burning in your heart and let you get on with your day. Some people also use food as a substitute for sexual gratification, so you might try eating away your horny feelings. Chocolate and sweets are best for this, but any sort of rich food will probably do the trick.

A bit more on the fringe, you could try self mutilation or self flagellation to calm your dirty mind. It’s pretty painful to be sure, but it apparently works for certain hardcore religious sects so maybe it might be right for you. Of course some people get really turned on by flogging themselves, so if you find that whipping yourself with a flogger is making you feel more horny, you should maybe stop and try something else.

Another trick you might try: Watch any romantic comedy starring Sandra Bullock. Sure, she’s an attractive woman, but those movies are so dull and boring they can actually suck the lust right out of you.

Baring any of those ideas, you might try getting away from the computer for a while, going out into the real world and meeting a nice girl or boy. I know that sounds a little extreme, but some people claim it actually works.

(Source)